O Silent Night
by Go-Chuck-Go
Summary: A small introspection piece after Chuck vs. Santa Claus. Angsty. It will probably be 1-3 chapters in length.


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**Chapter 1: Silent Night**

**Buy More Christmas Tree Lot, December 24th, Sarah's POV**

"So take me in Agent Walker. I'm ready to go," mocked Sergeant Mauser with glee as he scornfully lifted his arms in mock surrender. He had just sworn that he was going to put an end to Chuck's life.

He smiled at me like so many men that I have known in the past. He made me feel small, almost defenseless. For a moment I was Jenny Burton again.

It was almost like I was reliving that terrible period in my life. It felt like Director Graham had been raised from the dead and once again was explaining to me so calmly how he was going to take away the only person in my life that I love. Only this time it wasn't my father…it was my Chuck.

I knew in my soul that Mauser held Chuck's future. I could tell by the gleam in his eye that he knew I had feelings for Chuck.

The CIA would want to interrogate him and bargain with him. Mauser would be held until a Fulcrum agent got to him. And then he would negotiate for his escape by promising to provide the identity of The Intersect. Even as I held the gun, we both knew he held the power.

Mauser was one more sadistic bad guy in the long line of bad guys that streamed through my life before I met Chuck. And he taunted me.

I had bested him at hand-to-hand combat and had hurt his pride. I knew when he derisively raised his arms in mock surrender that he would never stop until he hurt me.

The wicked gleam in his eye told me he would take great pride in the destruction of my Chuck. He was going to take something from me. He was going to best me in the end.

My arm faltered as I imagined the enormity of the pursuit if Fulcrum ever discerned the identity of The Intersect. I knew instantly that I could never protect Chuck from my world.

My heart constricted as my reality sunk in. The soft moments I shared with Chuck suddenly felt far away. Chuck would die if I let Mauser live.

I suddenly transformed into Sarah Walker, the coldly proficient CIA agent. Without hesitation I raised my gun and I killed the man who professed to destroy Chuck Bartowski.

I had eliminated the threat.

I coldly observed Mauser's dead body as he laid at my feet. He was hardly the first man I had killed. The CIA had made me a killer long ago. I no longer felt the moral sting that accompanied the taking of a human life.

But to my surprise, I fought to steady my breath and I detected a shakiness in my hands. They were signs that more had played out here than my duties as Chuck's handler.

This kill was different and I couldn't help but feel relieved that this man was dead. He could neither help Fulcrum nor the government.

I swallowed hard at the realization that I had killed not in the interest of the government, but for Chuck. I had crossed a line as Chuck's handler. But to my consternation, I was no longer afraid of being compromised. I had protected him and it was enough. Be damn Fulcrum and their never ending pursuit of The Intersect, and the CIA in their never ending demands to take everything that makes Chuck the man that he is.

As I held my smoking gun over Mauser's body I could only think about Chuck.

Once again nearly all was lost. But I dealt with all that threaten him in the most violent of manner. I felt no pity for the man at my feet.

I rejoiced in the knowledge that my curly haired nerd was safe. Even with my gun still in hand, I could feel his pull on the girl behind my agent facade. I just need to see him again.

I want to see his luscious brown eyes as he looks down upon me with love. Chuck has given me so much. I cannot express what he means to me. But at least I can show him my love. I can look up at him and know that I am telling the truth when I say that he is safe.

I know in the end that my attempt to maintain Chuck's world is futile. But tonight, I have won out over Mauser and those who would take it all away.

I know my gift to him is not much. But it is all that I am.


End file.
